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Onion Report: Tom Brady & Mark Sanchez Have Sex, Eli Manning Elite For 4 Days

Yes, "Get Out of My Face" is just a satire of "Pardon the Interruption," but an argument can be made that it's entirely better sports coverage than the more serious ESPN hit.  (

Could it be that when it comes to sports coverage, The Onion’s hillarious “Get Out of My Face” keeps sport insights more real than its satirical targets, ESPN sports debate shows “Pardon the Interruption” and “Around the Horn”?

Well, for one thing, “Get Out of My Face” broadcasters Kenny Kennedy and Reggie Greengrass are easily more entertaining (not to mention, their allocution more engaging) than their counterparts on ESPN. Kennedy and Greengrass defy stodgy sports fans who have no sense of humor whatsoever, like the “owners” of my fantasy football league who constantly get offended at my offers of Cincinnati Bengals field goal kicker Mike Nugent for Aaron Rodgers or Matt Forte.  Or, for that matter, those fans who seem to laugh only when discussing a “poor trade” or a dominating performance by their favorite sports team.

Watch video:

Tom Brady, Mark Sanchez Prepare For Jets-Pats Matchup By Having Sex With Each Other

A sports show like “Get out of my Face” caters to that unsung, yet wide subset of sports fans who watch games not to yell at each other in a serious exchange about whether this QB is better than that one, but to laugh, escape, get lost in both the strategic and often hillariously human aspects of the game, be free.

The beauty of “Get out of My Face” is not just the raucous humor; it actually boils things down to cogent truths so much better than does our mainstream sports media.  Really, aren’t we all sick and tired of the debate about whether Eli Manning is an elite quarterback? Personally, I feel some degree of intellectual vapidity for spending so much time at pontificating a littany of reasons about how Eli Manning just isn’t an “elite quarterback.” Leave it to Kennedy and Greengrass to set everyone straight on this impasse ridden debate: the sports media keeps granting Manning four day passes into the “elite” QB stratosphere whenever he puts up a top performance, thereby permitting Manning to walk alongsie Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees up on the clouds, each adorned in a golden toga.  Anyone care to disagree?

“Get Out of My Face,” of course, is not an answer to all the problems in sports discourse. The next time someone starts yelling at me in a bar  as to why, precisely, a sports argument must be true, I may think of “Get Out of My Face” instead of the ESPN ticker and just break out into a fit of laughter. Still, a few cuss words in my direction or a potential bar fight is a small price to pay for enjoying something freely; humor and ultimate truth over very serious dances around both.

About Argun M. Ulgen

When I was young, my dad and I used to watch a lot of MSG midnight replays of Knicks basketball after he came home from work. One night at 1am we grilled steaks and watched the Knicks somehow hold onto a 4th quarter lead. Sometime later, I started to fall in love with reading all sorts of literature, including sports books.The dawning of this romance came soon after my deep relationships with HBO reruns of its fine series programming, not to mention the Encore channel's more than generous replays of Scarface, came to a close. I write, but only when I don't feel like being idle. Feel free to AIM me at YoProtein (that's "Yo, Protein!") with comments or suggestions about my work. I more than welcome feedback.

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One comment for “Onion Report: Tom Brady & Mark Sanchez Have Sex, Eli Manning Elite For 4 Days”

  1. New Post: Onion Report: Tom Brady & Mark Sanchez Have Sex, Eli Manning Elite For 4 Days

    Posted by Sports of New York | November 11, 2011, 9:52 pm

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