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Plaxico Burress Is A Victim, Dammit

Plaxico Burress (

Plaxico Burress was interviewed for the October issue of Men’s Journal about his little shooting himself in the leg with an unlicensed, loaded gun in a crowded club because he holstered his weapon in loose fitting sweatpants without the safety on, thing. If you know Burress, you know this interview will be humble.

About Tom Coughlin’s reaction to the incident, Burress said,

“After my situation happened, I turned on the TV, and the first words out his mouth was ‘sad and disappointing.’ I’m like, forget support — how about some concern? I did just have a bullet in my leg.”

Why wouldn’t anyone show Plaxico some sympathy? He was a gunshot victim, same as JFK, Tupac, and the troops. Sure, he brought the gun into a crowded place, and it was loaded, and he didn’t have the safety on. But he was still a victim. Show some concern. He had a flesh wound!

“And then I sat in his office, and he pushed back his chair and goes, ‘I’m glad you didn’t kill anybody!’ Man, we’re paid too much to be treated like kids. He doesn’t realize that we’re grown men and actually have kids of our own.”

Coughlin’s glad Plaxico didn’t kill anyone? By my count, no one got killed, but one person got shot. Plaxico. Someone tell Coughlin that it’s never appropriate to think of other people at a time when a superstar gets shot.

“He’s not a real positive coach,” Burress said of Coughlin. “You look around the league, the Raheem Morrises and Rex Ryans — when their player makes a mistake, they take ’em to the side and say, ‘We’ll get ’em next time.’ But Coughlin’s on the sideline going crazy, man. I can’t remember one time when he tried to talk a player through not having a day he was having.”

Coughlin has never once asked Plaxico what kind of a day he was having, discussed the weather, or asked him about parenting. These are things Plaxico loves to talk about.

Plaxico also had problems with Eli Manning.

“I was always his biggest supporter, even days he wasn’t on, ’cause I could sense he didn’t have thick skin. Then I went away, and I thought he would come see me, but nothing, not a letter, in two years. I don’t want to say it was a slap in the face, but I thought our relationship was better than that.”

Plax was always Eli’s biggest supporter, even when he and Jeremy Shockey were both publically yelling at him after every pass play. They were both wide open! And for Eli to distance himself from a guy who plays with guns and is in prison isn’t right. He’s a victim, this time of Manning bullying.

Plaxico is also rightfully angry with Mayor Bloomberg.

“The way Bloomberg treated me was totally wrong, stacked those charges so high I had to go to jail.”

Sure there’s a mandatory jail sentence for firing an unlicensed weapon, but did he have to go to jail? Seems too harsh.

Plaxico also modestly defended himself against the public.

“What are you doing now? You still mad at your job? You still angry about your life? ’Cause I’m back living my life and enjoying my family while you’re still doing the same thing.”

Clearly Plaxico learned his lesson, and is fully rehabilitated. Take that, society!

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One comment for “Plaxico Burress Is A Victim, Dammit”

  1. New Post: Plaxico Burress Is A Victim, Dammit

    Posted by Sports of New York | September 10, 2011, 5:24 am

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