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Rob Ryan Talks Rex Ryan Foot Fetish: A Media Diagnosis

Rob Ryan (Darren Abate, timesrecordnews.com)

The Fort Worth Star Telegram reported yesterday Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan – twin to the New York Jets head coach and garrulous media personality Rex Ryan – lashed out during a post-practice interview at an inquiry concerning an alleged foot-fetish video released last December on the internet featuring Rex’s wife Michelle.

“Aw hell, who cares?” Rob Ryan said Monday. “Believe me, everybody has whatever screwed-up thing going on. I don’t care.”

Ryan continued: “He is a little freaky, I guess. Hell, I don’t know. I like everything about my wife. She got great feet, too. She got nice everything. What the hell.”

Diagnosis, Media Doctor?

Dissection and Diagnosis

“Aw, Who the Hell Cares?  Believe me everybody has whatever screwed up thing going on.  I don’t care.”

Rex Ryan suffers from internet communications disorder, an acute occurrence when a person has too many responsibilities in the real world to care about potentially screwed up things in people’s private lives to comment on. Treatment most likely requires an upgrade in his browser settings to include Facebook, Twitter, TMZ, and other such vital sites to fully gauge the important happenings in thousands of other people’s lives. A steady diet of text message gossip as well as forum browsing during brief periods of free-time in his daily routine is vital. For instance, instead of needling players during stretches, Ryan should be needling a troll on a YouTube comments section.

“I’m sure you do, and everybody else that points fingers.  Who cares?  Everybody has a life off the field.” 

After I’m done reading this blog, I’m going to play “Word Challenge” on Facebook, and maybe spice things up with a little Minesweeper. If Rob reads this or were more active on Facebook, he’d know this.

“Who gives a crap?  I’m sure I’m worse than he is.  So big deal.  Naw, I mean hell, he is a little freaky I guess”

Rob Ryan clearly needs an all consuming outlet for his sordid lifestlye, which is at least as freaky as his brother, Rex.  Treatment would require him and his brother to start a new reality show – “Keeping up with the Ryans.”  If Rex doesn’t agree, the alternate title can be “The Other Ryan,” stemming off the wonderful and historically accurate film “The Other Boelyn Girl” where the King of England actually desires Natalie Portman (who plays Anne Boelyn) more than Scarlett Johansson (the other Boelyn girl). I digress. Mark Sanchez, Tony Romo, and Jerry Jones can regularly visit the house.

“Hell, I don’t know.  I like everything about my wife.  She got great feet, too.  She got everything nice.  What the hell.”

Acute delusional disorder.  Nobody loves everything about their wife. A netflix subscription followed by the addition of the highly instructive “Married with Children” to Ryan’s Queue is a good solution.

Alternative Footing

NBC Sports’ position on the potential consequences of Rob Ryan’s interview was very grave:

“At a time when the Ryans’ coaching abilities and bravado have largely overcome the perception that they are wired to say too much, Rob may have harmed his ability to become a head coach by committing the kind of indiscretion that could make it even harder for an owner to entrust Rob Ryan to be the face and voice of an NFL franchise.  With that job comes access to all sorts of franchise secrets.  If Rob doesn’t know when to say “no comment,” he may not be deemed worthy to hold the kind of position that Rex has achieved.”

A nice polished analysis that I conclude is even more problematic than Rob Ryan’s myriad disorders. Rob Ryan’s articulation on his feelings of the media’s interaction with Rex Ryan was not stellar and will most likely open up a can of worms for him and Rex to deal with both personally and with the media. Still, the nuts and bolts of Rob Ryan’s statement was a passionate, forthright statement for decency and a celebrity’s right to privacy. Substantively, what is to be gleaned from Ryan’s statement is that everyone has their own private relationships with their wives, and Rex’s case is really no different; care about your own life and quitting intruding into other people’s; there are better things to talk about (like football).

It’s this kind of forthrightness – inarticulate yet passionate and true – that makes men who beat their bodies to a pulp on the field respect and adore the Ryans so much. The Ryans represent the voice of consummate professional athletes who play on the field – perhaps brash or indiscreet, but passionate, loyal, hard-hitting. As to Rob Ryan’s statement portending the release of “franchise secrets,” NBC poorly equates posture to integrity. Rob Ryan didn’t release any personal details about Rex Ryan’s life; he may have alluded that he has a sexual preference, but only in the bigger context that whatever that preference is, it’s none of your business.

Equating Rob’s passionate rebuke of media practice to his affinity for divulging “franchise secrets” is ludicrous. If 21st century media relations have taught us anything, it’s that there are by far more polished, dapper, and articulate  individuals out there who are a lot more likely to betray their franchises than Rob Ryan.

About Argun M. Ulgen

When I was young, my dad and I used to watch a lot of MSG midnight replays of Knicks basketball after he came home from work. One night at 1am we grilled steaks and watched the Knicks somehow hold onto a 4th quarter lead. Sometime later, I started to fall in love with reading all sorts of literature, including sports books.The dawning of this romance came soon after my deep relationships with HBO reruns of its fine series programming, not to mention the Encore channel's more than generous replays of Scarface, came to a close. I write, but only when I don't feel like being idle. Feel free to AIM me at YoProtein (that's "Yo, Protein!") with comments or suggestions about my work. I more than welcome feedback.

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  1. New Post: Rob Ryan Talks Rex Ryan Foot Fetish: A Media Diagnosis http://t.co/NTdJ2hH

    Posted by Sports of New York | September 7, 2011, 5:44 am

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